I know that I have changed a lot since I was in college...or even high school for that matter. I used to be so naive about so many things. I used to try to help everyone and end up hurting myself most of all. Actually, that may not have changed at all. I know that I used to be carefree. College was a time for friends, a time to study hard and play a little harder. A time for making friends that last. Sadly, I have also learned that those friends fade into memories after you part. Faded photographs of once shiny memories and experiences.
It's interesting how often I take those faded photographs out and look at them. Remembering all of the great times I had with friends that no longer are active members in my life.
Or, when you think that you have totally forgotten a person, you suddenly remember everything about them and all you want to do is talk to them, see them, to know how their life has turned out. And then I wonder, how often do I cross their thoughts? Do they look at their time with me as a time of regret? That I have done something, anything, to offend them and they prefer not to remember me at all?
It is memories like that that pain me the most. I have learned a lot in my most recent friendships. I have grown as a person in ways that I would have never imagined. I can look back on the faded photographs with nothing but love for all who inhabit them. My one wish is that I could talk to those people, laugh and cry over our pasts together. Comment on the present and once again share our hopes for the future.
These last couple of days I have been walking down Memory Lane more and more. I find myself wondering if I have been forgiven for the wrongs I have done. Wondering if I could still be friends with people I don't talk to anymore.
I guess my question is...Can I?