Saturday, October 25, 2008

I know that I have changed...

I know that I have changed a lot since I was in college...or even high school for that matter. I used to be so naive about so many things. I used to try to help everyone and end up hurting myself most of all. Actually, that may not have changed at all. I know that I used to be carefree. College was a time for friends, a time to study hard and play a little harder. A time for making friends that last. Sadly, I have also learned that those friends fade into memories after you part. Faded photographs of once shiny memories and experiences.

It's interesting how often I take those faded photographs out and look at them. Remembering all of the great times I had with friends that no longer are active members in my life.

Or, when you think that you have totally forgotten a person, you suddenly remember everything about them and all you want to do is talk to them, see them, to know how their life has turned out. And then I wonder, how often do I cross their thoughts? Do they look at their time with me as a time of regret? That I have done something, anything, to offend them and they prefer not to remember me at all?

It is memories like that that pain me the most. I have learned a lot in my most recent friendships. I have grown as a person in ways that I would have never imagined. I can look back on the faded photographs with nothing but love for all who inhabit them. My one wish is that I could talk to those people, laugh and cry over our pasts together. Comment on the present and once again share our hopes for the future.

These last couple of days I have been walking down Memory Lane more and more. I find myself wondering if I have been forgiven for the wrongs I have done. Wondering if I could still be friends with people I don't talk to anymore.

I guess my question is...Can I?

5 comments:

The Davis Family said...

Stephanie - I have thought about you many times over the years and wondered what happened to you. I was so happy to find your blog and learn that all is well with you. It's fun to keep in touch with you this way and I hope you can keep track of my family with our blog. :) Oh, and all my memories of you are very fond - remember singing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" as we strolled the streets of Rexburg and of course going to the Caribou County Fair! :)

Jen said...

So that was a bit depressing...how you doing these days?

Anonymous said...

Hey Steph! I will always remember you!!! You were always so (and I'm sure you still are) very giving and a dang good cook!!! E-mail me your number and I'll call you sometime!! benandamber02@gmail.com Hope things are good! Some of us are the initiators in life...so in a small way I understand what you are feeling and going through! It's sad to lose touch with anyone that has been close to you at one time or another whether it was grade school or college or beyond that!!! I'll try to keep in touch better :) Love ya

Cracka Chips said...

Member when we were room mates? That was good times. Member how I love your guts? Member how life continues no matter what. The people of our past teach us things even after they are no longer a part of our every day. It's all about what you do in "the now", despite the past. Good or bad. Joy or sorrow. It's all a part of gaining and growing.
Live. Laugh. Love.....no matter what. :)

Joe C. said...

I know exactly what you mean!

Remember the time you and I played football with young kids on the football field at BYU-I? Good memory.

Or what about the time I chose to spend my summer all the way out in new jersey because I had a crush on you, only to find out you were going to be in Rexburg during that summer. Oh well, I had fun hanging out with your family.